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Biostatistics Poetry and etc.

Scott: "It can't be skewed to the right. The baby would be stuck in the birth canal... it's against the nature!!"

KAT

Working Set Two on a Stressful Evening
By Diane De Bernardo

Whose stats these are I think I know.
The data in the survey show;
They're in Sheldon and Sommer Hall,
To learn biostats one and all.
My little cats must think it queer
While I use Stata in such fear;
As BMIs are on the rise;
And some still smoke I will not lie.
They meow and fuss until I move
To give them both some love and food.
The only other sounds are taps
Of pen and book and keys struck fast.
These stats are stark and raw indeed,
But I have columns left to read,
And graphs to draw before I sleep,
And stats to crunch before I sleep.

Diane De Bernardo

?   It Had to be m   ?
(To the tune of "It Had to Be You")
By Amanda Rose

It had to be m , it had to be m
I deviated around, and finally found, the value for whom
all central measures are true
The median too
And even the mode, sits on the node, that equals the m
Some others I've seen are not quite the mean
Might vary a slight, or skew to the right, so they wouldn't do
For all other terms gave me a chill
Despite your greek symbol, I love you still
It had to be m
It had to be m
Wonderful m !

Amanda Rose

ALL THAT I NEED NOW...

Pulling my hair with one hand
And frantically pressing the calculator with other,
I survived the biostats exam
All that I need now is at least some bread and jam!

Enough I had of Poissons approximation,
It is nothing but poison added to binomial distribution.
Vit A, Zinc and Iron supplementation
No doubt screwed my whole summation.
Forget the baseline CD+4 count and anti retroviral therapy
All that I need now is indefinite empathy!

Enough I had of Kaplan Mier survival function,
Oh! Sorry! Or was it some mortality detection?
Mean, Mode, Median -- Measures of central tendency
Using them, I only know that I lost my complacency
Forget the low and high income group probability
All that I need now is some accountability!

Yes, I did survive the biostats exam,
And all I need now is some bread and jam!

Jaya Reddy

Come, And Be My Variable
Based on "Come, And Be My Baby" by Maya Angelou
By M. Davis

The database is full of big numbers
going everywhere too fast
And profs is citing every one that cursmokes
Some students wrap their lives around totchg
And you type wondering
whether to sort or to sum
I got stata.
Come, and be my variable.

Some profs say the problem set is due
tomorrow
But others say we've got an hour more
The database is full of label define death and coded
error
And you frantically type
unrecognized commands
I got stata.
Come, and be my variable.

 M. Davis