Biostatistics Poetry, Humor and Miscellaneous

Problem Set 2 Art 

Stata Killed the Normal Curve Star 
I met you in biostats with my coffee buzz.
Staying awake intent on winning Nacho Mama's
Though I was tired I still went to your lab sessions.
Oooh, oooh
You are so normal
Oooh oooh
I like your curve
They took the credit for your normal symmetry
Rewritten by machine and new technology,
And now I understand the null hypotheses you see.
Oooh, oooh, I like your probability.
Oooh, oooh, this is a monstrosity.
Stata killed the normal curve star.
Stata killed the normal curve star.
Log files came and broke your heart.
And now we meet since stata 9 crashed again.
Marie did tell me I should have gotten stata 10.
And now she draws your normal curves with her red pen.
Ooooh, oooh, you were the first one.
Oooh, oooh, you were the last one.

In my mind and in my lab, we can't rewind it's way past beta.
Computers came and broke your heart, put the blame on Stata.
Oooh, oooh
You are so normal
Oooh oooh
I like your curve
Oooh, oooh, I met your probability.
Oooh, oooh, what's your standard error?
Stata killed the normal curve star.
Stata killed the normal curve star.
Log files came and broke your heart.
Oooh, oooh
You are so normal
Oooh oooh
I like your curve
You are a biostats star.
You are a biostats star.
Stata killed the normal curve star.
Stata killed the normal curve star.
You are so normal.

By Avi Hakim

Twas the night before due date 
When all through my flat
Not a creature was stirring, not even my cat.
And Stata was churning out stats with care
With hopes that the null would not hold air.
The kitty was nestled all snug on the couch
While visions danced in her head of catching a mouse.
And I in my PJs, the cat curled in a knot
Had just settled down for a long winter's slog.
When right on the screen there arose such a message!
The command was rejected -- not a good presage!
Back to my binder I flew like a flash,
Tore open the problem set so I could rehash.
I flipped open my problem set to review
And realized I had the entire set to redo!
More rapid than eagles, my fingers they flew
With so many graphs yet to review!
Dichotomous or continuous, or simply outrageous?
Confidence intervals, p-values -- so many choices!
Do I regress it, t-test it? Do I fail to reject it?

When what to my wondering eyes did appear????
But a table with columns that made everything clear!
Its figures, they twinkled, its values so merry!
The screen sparkled and blinked as the data did vary!
Stata spoke not a word, but continued to depict
Lots of data to analyze and interpret real quick.
The very next day I turned in my homework
Exhausted and thinking I was done with the worst.
But Dr. Diener-West/Zeger proclaimed as she/he collected our sets
Don't forget the midterm Tuesday when you will regress!

By Diane DeBernardo

Carbon Footprint
by Phillis Kim

Baby Got Stats 
by Elizabeth Gall

(intro)
Oh my god, Becky, look at her n
It's so big. She looks like
one of those stats guys' girlfriends.
But, y'know, who understands those stats guys?
They only talk to her because
She got data on all those variables.
I mean, her n, it's just so big.
I can't believe it's so normal,
it's like, symmetrically distributed.
I mean, she's got those... stats.

(Sir Plots-A-Lot)

I like big ns and I cannot lie
You statisticians can't deny
When that girl walks in with a tiny SD
And that big n in your face
You get stunned, wanna ANOVA

'Cause you notice that n was sampled
Random and independent
I wanna be your covariant
Oh baby, I wanna be sinful
Calculate an interval
My TAs tried to warn me,
but that problem set got me so ornery

Oh, statisticians,
you say you wanna see some trends?
Well put it all into STATA
Because it ain't that average data.

I've seen those log files
box plots, percentiles,
they're neat, complete,
Whether continuous or discrete.

I'm tired off clinicians
Saying small ns are the thing
Take the average statistician
Ask him that,
You gotta pack much stats

So 622! (Yeah!) 622 (Yeah!)
Does your data set have the stats? (Hell yeah!)
Then plot 'em, plot 'em, plot those data points.
Baby got stats.
(68% within one sigma!)
Baby got stats.

Baby, when it comes to samples,
The previous sample ain't got nothing to do with my selection.

Baby got stats.

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Last edited: 08 November, 2008